


Something Lost, Something Gained

by viklikesfic (v_angelique)



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Community: kink_bingo, Daddy Issues, Daddy Kink, M/M, Threesome, Threesome - M/M/M, Touch Telepathy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-28
Updated: 2010-08-28
Packaged: 2017-10-11 12:43:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/112540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/v_angelique/pseuds/viklikesfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some time after <a href="http://community.livejournal.com/st_xi_kink_meme/7137.html?thread=5796577#t5796577">Paternal</a>, Spock allows himself to confront his history with Sarek more directly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Lost, Something Gained

The images are vivid, but what Spock can't conjure in this particular memory are the other senses--the feel of his mother's fingertips on his cheek, the smell of her perfume. He can recall the shape of her smile, though, and its dissolution as he turned away, as he stoically rejected the touch, looking to his father for pride, finding none. _Pride is an emotion_, he had told himself then, in the intensely logical voice of fifteen-year-old half-Vulcan desperate to find his place in the world. _Such a display would be inappropriate._

And so he rejected one parent's emotion, while the other refused to show his. Ignoring the twinge in his gut, he followed the dictates of his brain. _This is the right thing. You have made the right decision._ He recalls his father's coldness perfectly, his desire to please Sarek, his secret mental scolding of himself for wanting that validation, for caring. He remembers the inner battles he did not want to reveal, evidence of imperfection in his dedication to the Vulcan way. And so he rejected melding with his family, even with the healer when it was offered once, after an accident among schoolmates. _Accident, they called it. Accident._ And so he rejected the only means of touch available to him, the overtures made by his mother with ever-decreasing frequency as he matured, as he clung to the mores of Vulcan society.

His mother is dead now. Even in the healing meld he found difficulty reaching out to his father, difficulty finding warmth. It is because of the healer that Sarek survived the sudden breaking of the bond with his wife. It is not because of Spock.

Admiral Pike's arms surround him and he shudders, tense with fear of accepting the warm, protective emotions that radiate through the skin of the man he now calls Father in a desperate attempt to find himself. Pike's hand is firm, soothing on his forehead. Spock's eyes close until fingertips brush his cheeks, bright with a new array of emotions. A hesitant desire to comfort, an inner strength. Acceptance. He chokes on a sob.

"It's okay, Spock," Jim whispers, smiling in that familiar, reassuring way he has when they play like this. "It's okay. Daddy loves you, it's all right."

Spock never had a brother. It's a moment before it clicks, what he feels towards Jim in this vulnerable, emotionally triggering state. _Affection_.

Movement by slow, halting movement, he lets the two of them shift to surround him, to embrace him. Father on his side, his chest to Spock's back, Jim curled up against Spock's front, leg flung over the two of them, enthusiastic and impossible to discourage. He feels the pressure of their bodies, their slightly cooler temperature, but he doesn't calculate those things in physical terms. No numbers come to him here as his system is overwhelmed by the flood of emotion from two men, by love and respect and the desire to keep him safe. Spock had never confronted his _fear_, never acknowledged it as such, until he heard Sarek's voice and unwrapped his tight fingers from a fragile neck. Now the weight of fear is a burden that makes it difficult to breathe some nights, but when Pike calls him here, when he becomes a human's cherished son for the length of an evening, they unwrap the layers of his fear, lift it and force the strength of their joy and their praise to penetrate. Spock relaxes his muscles and lets his mind give over to that heady rush of belonging. He trusts them with his secrets.


End file.
